My Fertility Journey
October 14th: 1st Appointment with Doctor Thyer, ultra sound, blood draw, polyp?
October 15th: 1st injection of Lupron 10 units
October 16th: Lupron 10 units
October 17th: Lupron 10 units, ultra sound, blood draw
October 18th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units
October 19th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units
October 20th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units, ultra sound, blood draw
October 21st: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units
October 22nd: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units, ultra sound, blood draw
October 23rd: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units
October 24th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units, ultra sound, blood draw, discovered 2 large polyps, and advise to wait on the transfer till after polyps are removed
October 25th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units
October 26th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units,ultra sound, blood draw,
October 27th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units
October 28th: Lupron 5 units, Menopur 1cc, Gonal-F 250 units, ultra sound, blood draw
October 29th: Injection of HGC shot
October 30th: Pregnancy test, faint positive, doctors office to double check
October 31st: Egg retrieval, 8 from each side, 16 total, ranked on a scale, "GOOD, FAIR, POOR"
November 1st: 10 natural fertilization, semen analysis rated super, count of 86 million with 90% mobility
November 2nd: 9 eggs rated good, one rated fair quality
November 3rd: all eggs rated good quality
November 4th: some eggs good some fair
November 5th: 1 blastocyst & frozen, rated "fair"quality, the other eggs develop poorly, bad morphology
November 6th: all remaining 9 arrest, this Friday is when I got the crushing news
I wanted to update the family with everything I have been experiencing lately and let you know where we are in our fertility process. It has been a lot more grueling than I would have ever imagined....we have had some bright spots (I loved everyones reaction to my anesthesia video!) But last week was especially challenging for me personally.
I know we all have challenges that we go through in life. But these past months might go down as some of the most challenging for me. There is one thing that I have always wanted, to be a Mother. There is nothing I treasure more in my life than the experience I had growing up in a large family with 4 amazing brothers and 2 fabulous sisters! I love being part of a huge, hilarious family and have wanted that for myself for the past 6 years.
This past Friday was especially difficult for me. I spent the whole day Friday crying because despite painful weeks of shots and fertility drugs, emotional highs and lows, countless doctors appointments, blood draws and ultra sounds, and after constant positive feedback from doctors and nurses, I could have never expected the phone call I got on Friday November 6th. I am beginning to understand that the hard part is yet to come.
The doctor discovered polyps in my uterus a few weeks ago, which were much more prominent after my lining shed, and since I had already begun my very expensive fertility drugs it limited my options. So the doctor advised me to have the polyps removed before they transferred any embryos. It would make the transfer success rate much higher but, this would be an added surgery and an added medical bill and since we needed to operate first, my eggs would have to be frozen, which was again an added expense....sigh. So as you probably know, (due to a hilarious hoverboard video on Facebook) I had my egg retrieval on Halloween. Everything went great. They were able to retrieve 8 from each side! 16 total! I was thinking these were great numbers. The doctors proceeded to call me everyday with great updates. The first day, 10 fertilized, which I was very happy with and each day after that we got good reports about their progress. On day three, all 10 had made it to 8 cells, but one was progressing a little faster and made it to a blastocyst and was the first to be frozen. Then day 6, I was told that the 9 others had died! What?!? I was crushed. This was very devastating to me. I had already made plans for these 9 little eggs, and lets be honest I was practically naming them! How did this happen? It was so frustrating. I now have no eggs frozen for any future cycles and when we get ready for our transfer in January, we will have just the one egg. Which scares me to death. Ugg! Sniff sniff.
I have no idea what's going to happen and for someone who thought this whole time I have such good odds....seems less and less probable now. I know I just need to have faith and Thomy says that this little embryo is a fighter, but we will see if it survives the thaw. He is truly my rock. He is the person I thank God for everyday. He is never wavering. As I say in my video,"I Love You." So many obstacles I could never have foreseen when I started this process. I thought it was a clearcut simple procedure.
I couldn't sleep Friday night... my mind was reeling and I felt so blindsided and so ignorant to the process. Why did I have no clue this could happen? I started devouring information, trying to get answers... so I ended up searching online. "How many embryos make it to transfer?" "Whats a average number for a person my age and my situation..ect?" I ended up finding a forum of women who were posting their numbers....# of retrieval, # fertilized, # make it to day 3 and # that make it to blastocyst for transfer. There were 25 pages, so many women, just like me, and I stayed up all night reading every one of them. It gave me a lot of hope and comfort because apparently I am not alone, some a little better and some a little worse and everything in the middle. I'm trying not to stress, but I have always been a worrier. I worry about money, I worry about my age, and now combine that with rapidly altered mood swings and the one thing I have been pining after for 6 years! I can almost here my mothers voice in my head..."You need to stop it Elizabeth!! Have you been taking your vitamins?'' I know, I know I need to just relax, and put it in Gods hands.
Oh man. Highs and lows....anyways, I did not mean to write such a long story. I just went off, but It feels good to put my thoughts down on virtual paper and organize my feelings. It makes me feel more normal, but mostly I hope it will reach someone who is feeling the same way out there. I know there is hope and I know that everything I experience is for a reason. Heavenly Father is teaching me everyday and helping me to grow. This has definitely brought me closer to him and he has given me peace everyday as I pray for it. I should be scheduling my surgery this week. I'll let you know when that is. And Yes, I will be going under anesthesia again. So more hilarity to ensue!!
